time flies

Thursday, January 17, 2008

tdy marks the end of my ihg life in hall. feeling damn sad now la.

juz had a nball game against hall 6. lost. lost without a fight. we were in the semis n losing meant out le. but yet there was no fight. argh i really hate this feeling.
I hate myself for tinkg tt its not possible to win even before we started playing.
I hate myself for not improving myself over the many games played even tho i know i can do much better.
I hate myself for not holding on till the end of the game.
I hate myself for always tryin to find the easy way out without sparing a thought for my fellow players.
I hate myself for not tryin hard enough.
I hate myself for wasting all the balls that the defenders fought so hard to bring down. i'm so sorry.
I hate myself.

argh. i guess there really is no pt in dwelling over it cos its over. sometimes i really wonder wat i'm really like fr someone else's eyes. someone weak n lousy? someone hu's tryin to be wat she's not? someone tryin to act zai? or someone they look up to or someone they wanna be like? guess its pretty demoralising when you hear someone say tt they'l nv wanna be like u. but yups i've heard it a few times fr some of my ivp teammates. yea i know i'm not as zai as u guys or as experienced.. but its not like u know me tt well to judge me la. ya i know tt is precisely y i shldn't take wat they said to heart cos they dun know me well, but in a little little little corner of my heart, i still get bothered by it. not now la.. at tt time. n i guess tt was part of the reason y i didn't enjoy ivp at all. if joy wasn't the capt i tink i would've quit ivp. not like she was 'chaining' me down to it la.. i'm sure if i were to quit she'l still be ok abt it.. but i juz wont be able to make it past myself.. as in i would feel bad quitting halfway n leaving her alone n stuck in tt team. n i din quit oso cos i wanted to play vball. but playin in a team tt i din like juz wasn't fun at all. most of the indivs are nice but everyone juz seem to not fit tgt into a team.. n playin w them juz made me so stress and not confident tt i was hoping my coach will not put me in to play during the games.

guess i juz vomitted q abit of the stuffs tt has been bottled up in me since dunno when. n as i went to the top n read wat i juz typed, i realised my life n my personality has changed q abit. both for the better n for the worst. i used to not be bothered at all abt how others tink of me.. i'l juz do my own stuff. i used to come up w excues to justify the things tt i do lousily or screw up. But i've found out tt its these excuses that's hindering me from improving myself. n thus i've decided to face up to the hard reality n accepting the fact tt i err often. haha. n yes. this is the start of a better cindy! stronger mentally, more disciplined, more independent n hardy! one day i'l hear someone sayin tt they wanna be juz like me! jiayou!

anw i'm still q sad tt i wont be playin anymore ih games w this yr's team. i really like this yr's ih nball team. i'm gona miss all of them!
subin w her superb stamina n her never-say-die attitude. fighting on no matter how tired or injured she is. she's really gd at looking for space n her passes are gd n steady. Thx for being my teammate for the past 4 yrs! i really really enjoyed playing w u cos u're always so dependable n steady! makes me feel secure on court. hee.
huihui! tho u nv play much this yr cos of ur operation, i still enjoyed being ur teammate! i really din know u were not a shooter last time! hahaaha so farny.. since this time nto much chance to play, next time we muz find lobangs to play tgt again ar! keep in contact! hee
n there's huijuan! was really glad when u came into hall 11 cos finally we hve a zai defender. ahaah tho when u off really q off but when u on form ar.. woohoo! damn zai! feel tt u really hve the potential to be much better leh so dun be so lazy! go for loose balls n rebounds! go train up ur stamina! hahaa work hard n jiayou! next yr muz play for hall 11 again leh! cny play mj ar! haha
n of cos there's sandy n angela. wa they are like blessings for the team. angela is really a v zai defender. n she works v well w huijuan. n its really nice watching them play tgt. n see how the opponents struggle to get hte ball near the D den aft tt get intercepted by them. woohoo shiok! ahaha n sandy. she's really damn zai. i tink i in no position to say how zai she is. too zai le. hahaa. her feeding is really really damn gd. sorry crystal n i both not up to standard leh.. heh thx for always covering for me! hee
and the most impt person... crystal!! my partner in crime! hee. i really really really like playin w u cos tho we always clash but i feel so comfortable playin w u! really cant imagine anyone else whom i'l be able to work better w le. am so glad tt we manage to find each other n having u in my ih nball life! rmbed the first time i played w u n it juz felt so right. hahaha its so weird. but i like! hve more confidence in urself! ur shooting is there one! jiayou for next yr leh! muz get into finals k!
n there are many others in the team too but too many to name everyone le. heh.
i would like to say tt i really enjoyed all the trngs n games w everyone! n i hope everyone feels the same way too! love u guys! muackz! =*

wow, it really feels gd to get everyt out. hee. =)

time frozen at 10:47 PM

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